Three years into my marriage, I stayed up late and rose early to make twelve kilograms of smoked meat.
Before I had even tasted a single piece, my mother-in-law waited until I went to work, packed all of it up, and sent it to my brother-in-law.
I endured it.
The following year, I didn't make a single sausage.
At the beginning of winter, my mother-in-law called to urge me:
“Our family’s youngest doesn’t have enough smoked meat to eat. Make some more and send it over.”
I said, “Mom, we don’t have enough to eat at home either.”
She fell silent for three seconds before saying something that sent a chill through my entire body.
But what truly broke me was the day I happened to come across my sister-in-law’s online shop.
My smoked meat was beautifully packaged and listed at 198 yuan per kilogram, with more than 600 orders sold every month.
The reviews even said:
“Authentic farmhouse flavor, made with my mother-in-law’s family recipe.”
Mother-in-law, I wonder if you can guess what I’m going to do next.
My name is Su Tang.
I’m twenty-nine this year, and I’ve been married to Chen Beicheng for exactly three years.
If I’m going to talk about making smoked meat, I have to start with my grandmother.
My grandmother was from western Hunan, and smoked meat was what she did best.
From choosing the meat to marinating it and smoking it, every step had its own secret.
Other people’s smoked meat tasted nothing but salty, but my grandmother’s was fragrant—the kind of fragrance created when the aroma of firewood and the slow passage of time seeped into every fiber of the meat.
The winter my grandmother passed away, I knelt in front of the stove and cried all night.
She left me nothing, except for a handwritten notebook detailing her method of marinating meat.
The corners were stained with oil, and the pages had yellowed and grown brittle with age.
From then on, every year at the beginning of winter, I would make a batch of smoked meat.
It was my way of remembering her.
The first year after I married Chen Beicheng, I made eight kilograms.
When he came home from work and smelled the mouthwatering aroma of smoked meat filling the balcony, his eyes lit up.
“Su Tang, your skills are good enough to open a shop.”
I laughed and told him he really had no ambition.
The second year, I made more—ten kilograms in total.
I sent two kilograms to my parents, gave one kilogram to my coworkers, and kept the rest for us to eat little by little.
It lasted all the way until early spring.
Every day, when Chen Beicheng brought lunch to work, he insisted on having a piece of smoked meat with it.
He never once changed his routine.
Then came the third year.
That was the year everything happened.
I started preparing in October.
Pork was cheap that year, so I bought fifteen kilograms of pork belly and ten kilograms of hind leg meat in one go.
I also ground three large jars of Sichuan peppercorns and chili peppers.
The balcony was covered with hanging meat.
Whenever the wind blew, the whole building could smell its fragrance.
Chen Beicheng even took a picture and posted it on his social media, captioning it:
“My wife, a walking inheritor of intangible cultural heritage.”
It got more than a hundred likes.
From marinating to smoking to drying, the whole process took nearly a month.
I carefully selected the best twelve kilograms, vacuum-sealed them, and arranged them neatly in the freezer.
That morning before I left for work, I specifically reminded Chen Beicheng:
“Don’t touch the smoked meat in the freezer. I’m planning to send two kilograms to each of our parents this weekend.”
He gave a distracted hum without even looking up because he was playing a game.
I didn’t think much of it.
Then came that Friday.
I worked overtime all day and was exhausted.
The first thing I did when I got home was open the refrigerator.
Empty.
Not just a few kilograms missing.
There wasn’t a single piece left.
The freezer door was wide open, icy white air blowing straight into my face.
I thought I was seeing things.
I crouched down and pulled open every drawer of the freezer.
Nothing.
There was absolutely nothing.
I called Chen Beicheng, my fingers stiff.
“Where’s the smoked meat from the freezer?”
“Oh, Mom stopped by and took it.”
His voice was so casual, as though he were telling me,
“I just ate an apple.”
“She took it? All twelve kilograms?”
“Yeah. Mom said Nanxuan likes it, so she sent all of it to him.”
Nanxuan was his younger brother, Chen Nanxuan, four years younger than him.
He was running a small business in the provincial capital.
I stood in front of the refrigerator with the phone pressed to my ear, unable to say a word.
Twelve kilograms.
A full twelve kilograms.
From choosing the meat, trimming the sinew, cutting it into pieces, rubbing it with salt, rubbing in the pepper, marinating it, turning it over in the crock, hanging it from the rack, smoking it, and finally tying strings around each piece and hanging them on the balcony—
It had taken a month.
My hands were covered in cracks, and the smell of pepper had gotten into the crevices of my fingernails.
It still hadn’t completely washed away after three days.
And just like that, all of it had been sent away.
Without even telling me.
“Couldn’t you stop Mom?”
“Mom said you definitely wouldn’t mind. You’re good at making it, so you can just make more. It’s only making another batch.”
Just make more.
Four light, careless words.
I hung up and stood in the kitchen for a long time.
Outside the window, the smoked meat hanging on my neighbor’s balcony swayed gently in the wind.
That evening, when Chen Beicheng came home and saw that I looked upset, he awkwardly set the takeout bag down.
“Don’t be mad anymore. It’s just some smoked meat, isn’t it? I’ll tell Mom to give you some money.”
“Some smoked meat? Twelve kilograms.”
“All right, all right, twelve kilograms. You know what Mom is like. She just dotes on Nanxuan…”
“She dotes on Nanxuan. Then who’s going to care about me?”
Chen Beicheng froze for a moment before putting on the expression I hated most.
Awkwardness.
Whenever he was at a loss, he would scratch the back of his neck.
After scratching it, he said:
“I’ll talk to Mom. It won’t happen again.”
Next time.
There was always a next time.
I said nothing more.
I made myself a bowl of instant noodles, ate it, washed the bowl, then went into the bedroom and closed the door.
It was the first time since marrying into the Chen family that I didn’t leave the light on for him.
After that, my mother-in-law, Liu Xiulan, called me, her voice warm and affectionate.
“Su Tang, Nanxuan really loved the smoked meat you made. He called and said it was absolutely delicious. He even told me to thank his sister-in-law for him.”
“Mom, I was planning to save that meat for the New Year.”
“Oh, come on. You’re still young. You can make more. It’s inconvenient for Nanxuan’s family, and his wife doesn’t know how to make these things. Nanxuan has loved smoked food since he was little.”
“Mom, making smoked meat isn’t easy. Just the marinating alone…”
“All right, all right. I know you worked hard. I’ll give you a red envelope for the New Year.”
I never got the red envelope she promised.
When New Year came and I went to my mother-in-law’s house, she really did give me one.
I went back to my room and opened it.
Two hundred yuan.
Twelve kilograms of smoked meat.
A month of work.
Two hundred yuan.
I stuffed the two hundred yuan under my pillow and barely slept that night.
The next morning, Chen Nanxuan and his wife came over too.
My sister-in-law, Zhang Ying, walked in carrying a new handbag.
I didn’t know much about brands, but even just looking at the metal clasp, I could tell it wasn’t cheap.
During the New Year’s Eve dinner, Zhang Ying sat beside me, constantly reaching over with her chopsticks.
“Sister-in-law, the smoked meat you made is truly amazing. Nanxuan ate it all and kept talking about it afterward. He said nothing he bought outside could compare.”
Liu Xiulan immediately chimed in:
“Of course. His sister-in-law is very skilled. Tell her to make more next year.”
My hand stopped in midair as I reached for food.
I raised my head and looked at Chen Beicheng.
He was drinking with his father and hadn’t heard a thing being said on our side.
Zhang Ying leaned closer and lowered her voice.
“Sister-in-law, could you teach me how to make smoked meat? I want to try learning.”
“You want to learn?”
“Yes. I think it’s really interesting.”
I looked at her and smiled.
“Sure. I’ll teach you when I have time.”
She nodded happily and turned to pick up a chicken leg for Liu Xiulan.
That New Year’s Eve, I ate food I hadn’t cooked myself in the Chen family home, wore clothes that were no longer new, and had two hundred yuan in my pocket—the “hush money.”
Firecrackers crackled outside.
I sat there in silence, with only one thought in my mind.
Next year, I wasn’t making any more.
# Chapter 2
The following winter, I indeed didn’t lift a finger.
I didn’t buy peppercorns.
I didn’t choose any meat.
The balcony was clean and empty, without even a single string hanging there.
Chen Beicheng asked once:
“You’re not making smoked meat this year?”
“No.”
“Huh? Why?”
I looked at him, waiting for him to figure it out himself.
He thought for three seconds.
“Ah… Is it because of what happened last year? I already told Mom. She won’t take it this year.”
“It’s not because of your mother. I just don’t want to make it.”
He didn’t ask anything else.
The days passed peacefully.
November came, then December, and even the Winter Solstice passed.
I thought the matter would simply end there.
Then Liu Xiulan called.
It was Saturday afternoon.
I had just washed my hair when my phone rang.
I looked at the caller ID.
Mom.
I answered.
“Su Tang, are you home?”
“Yes, Mom. Is something wrong?”
“It’s nothing serious. It’s just that Nanxuan’s family doesn’t have enough smoked meat to eat.”
My hand holding the towel stopped.
“I didn’t make any this year either, and the stuff they bought doesn’t taste good. Your brother-in-law even specifically called me and said he wanted to eat the smoked meat his sister-in-law makes. Why don’t you make some more and send it to them?”
I said nothing.
“Your skills are good, and you’re quick at making it. What’s the big deal about eight or ten kilograms?”
“Mom, we don’t have enough to eat at home either.”
There was silence on the other end.
Three seconds.
I thought she was going to hang up.
Instead, she spoke again.
Her voice wasn’t loud, but every word seemed to have a thorn in it.
“Su Tang, don’t pretend with me. I’m not unaware of how much you earn each month. Nanxuan’s family has two children to raise, and their expenses are high. There are only two of you. How much can you possibly eat? Besides…”
She paused for a moment.
“You’re the one whose womb hasn’t been able to do its job. After all this time, you still haven’t given birth to a son or daughter. When you’re old, won’t you still have to rely on Nanxuan’s children to bring you a bowl of water? I’m telling you to make some smoked meat for them because it’s for your own good. Take this opportunity to build a good relationship with your younger brother and sister-in-law. That way, they’ll remember the favor later.”
My hand holding the phone trembled.
Not from anger.
From cold.
The chill traveled straight from the soles of my feet upward.
Three years into my marriage, it wasn’t that I hadn’t been anxious about not having children.
I had been to the hospital countless times.
I had taken who knew how many medications.
Chen Beicheng knew.
His mother didn’t.
Or perhaps she did, but she simply didn’t care.
There was only one thing she cared about.
I was useless.
A useless daughter-in-law.
What harm could there be in making a little smoked meat?
It wasn’t as though she was asking me to do anything else.
On the other end of the line, Liu Xiulan continued talking about how difficult things were for Nanxuan and his wife, how expensive their older child’s upcoming kindergarten tuition would be, and how hard Zhang Ying was working to take care of two children by herself.
I couldn’t hear a word of it.
One sentence kept repeating in my head.
Your womb can’t do its job.
My womb can’t do its job.
Those words lodged in my chest.
I couldn’t swallow them, nor could I spit them out.
“Mom, I understand.”
I hung up.
I tossed my phone onto the sofa.
The screen flashed once before going dark.
The towel was still draped over my shoulder.
Water dripped from my wet hair onto the collar of my pajamas.
Freezing cold.
I sat motionless on the sofa for half an hour.
Chen Beicheng came out of his study to get some water.
When he saw me, he froze.
“What’s wrong? Why do you look so pale?”
“Your mother just called.”
“What did she say?”
“She told me to make smoked meat for your brother.”
He frowned.
“Didn’t I already tell Mom…”
“She said my womb can’t do its job.”
Chen Beicheng’s hand stopped in midair.
The glass tilted, spilling water onto the floor, but he didn’t even notice.
“How… how could she say something like that?”
“She said that when I’m old, I’ll have to rely on your brother’s children to bring me water. That’s why she wants me to build a good relationship with them now.”
Chen Beicheng’s face flushed red.
“I’m calling Mom right now…”
“No need.”
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